Ruth’s photos of Glenn
27 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in partners
Glenn’s friend Ruth Syme brought 15 photos of him to his memorial service, and was kind enough to let me borrow and scan them. I’m just getting around to adding them to his photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffcovey/sets/72157622611810405/detail/
Thanks so much to Ruth. It’s wonderful to see him again.
Cunningham Falls
19 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
It’s been two months to the day since Glenn entered the hospital, and one month to the day since his death. I’ve started to be overwhelmed by the number of things to be done, the number of decisions to be made, and that aspect of grief which precludes doing any of it because your brain feels like it’s swimming through molasses, and all you can do is sit and stare. Burning out, I opted for a change of scenery and routine.
I decided to rent a camper cabin for two nights in Cunningham Falls State Park. These are small cabins with just enough room for a double bed and a pair of bunk beds. They have electrical outlets and an overhead light, a door which locks with a key, a picnic table and barbeque grill, and a water supply and spotless bathhouse a few steps away. Our parks have erected them in recent years on sites which were previously just for tents and RVs. (The campgrounds are now a mixture of the two types of sites.) They offer a chance to sleep in the woods to anyone who would be put off the idea by having to buy a tent, pitch it, and blow up an air mattress.
It was a good fit for me. I wanted a couple of days away from todo lists, the Internet, phones, and unnatural light, and to test my capacity for consuming banana sandwiches. Most of all, I wanted to get away from clocks, to spend just one day with no idea what time it was. This was spoiled when I realized I’d made an appointment for Thursday afternoon, was going home Thursday night, and had to turn on the cellphone. It was a good run until then. I’d still like a few days when the sun runs the show, waking and sleeping on a natural cycle.
I did, at least, spend the day with no plan, doing whatever I felt like doing next. (That turned out to be a little hiking, a lot of sleeping and porch sitting.) It wasn’t a vacation, but made a fine breather. I smiled many times at little sights and sounds and smells which brought back instant, vivid, and forgotten memories of summer camp, and delighted at how much cooler it was away from the city, under the forest canopy, with the breeze blowing up the mountain. It gave time to just sit with Glenn being gone, and let it sink in a little deeper.
With everything that’s going on now, it’s the best I can do, but it did whet my appetite for something longer and more remote. These camper cabins are part of a ring of other sites, the nearest just yards from you, so don’t go into it expecting Walden Pond. No one was rowdy, but aside from the morning, there are always voices in the distance, and cars driving around. Some of the parks have larger cabins with kitchens, sitting off by themselves. I’ll plant packing off to one with a stack of books and a week of groceries as a dream in the back of my mind.
It did strike me that, at $50 a night, these cabins would make a great alternative to hotels for travelers who don’t mind bringing their own linen. There were several good restaurants near the park, and a camp store for anything you forgot to bring. The only other commodities lacking would be the hotel room phone (who uses that anymore?) and cable TV. Maybe an evening of walking the woods or sitting at a fire with other campers would make a welcome change from dozing off to The Late Show.
I’ve put up photos and a video at http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffcovey/sets/72157627344932167/
Glenn at rest
20 Jul 2011 5 Comments
in partners
I’ve been offline and generally out of touch with most people for the last month, and while I have a few minutes, I want to post a note about what’s been happening. I’ll forward it to those of Glenn’s friends and family who haven’t had all the details. Please pass it on to anyone I miss.
Glenn did very well after his 2008/2009 hospitalizations, coming home that March and staying home and in excellent health for two years. His dementia slowly deepened, but he managed to stay clear of other illnesses. Last month, he started to feel under the weather. He stayed in bed all day the 18th. I sat him up for meals, but after he ate, he was so tired that he just wanted to lie down again and sleep.
The next morning, I sat him up, and he started coughing up a lot of phlegm. I didn’t want to lay him down again in that state, so I took him out to the kitchen, and he ate a little breakfast. I was watching him and deciding between hospital now and doctor-when-he-opens-tomorrow, when Glenn made the decision for me. He said he was sleepy and wanted to lie down, so I took him to his chair in the living room. He wouldn’t help push himself up like he normally would, then his arms went limp and he stopped responding to me.
The ambulance took him to the emergency room, where he was already on a ventilator when I got in to see him. He was moved up to the Intensive Care Unit after a few hours. It took several days to grow cultures and determine he had three different infections, in his urinary tract, lungs, and bloodstream. By the 22nd, he was opening his eyes and following commands. They tried to wean him off the ventilator the next day, but he only lasted an hour, with great difficulty, before they had to put him back on it. He succeeded in coming off it the following day, and was finally able to say a word or two to the friends who came to visit.
By the 26th, he was scheduled to move to a regular room, but an irregular heart rhythm kept him in place. By the 29th, two of the infections were gone, and the lungs were the only remaining problem. The next day brought great trouble with breathing and a return to the ventilator. He didn’t come off it again until the 6th of July, and moved to a regular room on the 9th. On the 12th, a social worker asked for our rehab center preferences, and started making calls to prepare his placement. On the 15th, he couldn’t breathe again, and was rushed back to the ICU and put back on the ventilator.
The next day, one of the lung doctors told me that if we were going to continue aggressive treatment, Glenn needed to have a tracheostomy, a hole cut in his throat with a tube inserted. He wasn’t strong enough to cough up the infection, and they couldn’t keep him on the ventilator indefinitely. A tracheostomy tube was the only way they could continue suctioning the fluids out. He said it was a simple procedure and it would heal quickly once it was removed, but Glenn would have little or no ability to talk or eat while it was in, and he’d probably have it in (and remain in the hospital) for many more weeks while the infection healed. Even then, the doctor thought it likely Glenn would continue developing new infections, over and over again.
I discussed the situation with Glenn’s sister and friends, and we couldn’t see any good outcome for him. He had to be miserable as he was. I’d only been there during the days, and it was bad enough. Though he slept much of the time, I can only imagine how he’d started to feel during his lucid moments, barely moving for a month and not even eating or drinking (he’d failed all his swallowing tests, and was being tube fed). With his dementia, he wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening and why he was going through it, what we hoped for him at the end. He was growing weaker all the time, and could no longer move his left side. Rehab was going to be a very long haul. His mind was much different than it had been in 2009, and he no longer went along with what people asked him to do. I could be there every day to make sure he did the exercises, but it still seemed likely that the best destination we could hope for after rehab was a nursing home, not his own home, and a life he would never want.
There was also the possibility of an underlying cancer. A CAT scan had shown masses on several of his organs. A later comparison to scans from 2008 showed they’d been there at that time and hadn’t changed much, and so probably weren’t a concern, but couldn’t be ruled out. Even without such a dramatic development down the road, there was always the likelihood that he’d pick up something else after so much time in the hospital and rehab, and he did in rehab in 2009, leading to a second hospitalization.
He’d been through an awful lot, was terribly worn out, and if we were to continue, we’d be sending him down a long road of struggle and suffering with only a small hope of a happy life for him at the end of it. We all decided it was time to stop.
On the 17th, I gave the doctor permission to withdraw care. I called several of Glenn’s friends to explain what was happening and invite them to come see him. Wonderfully, when the nurses withdrew the ventilator tube and other treatments, Glenn woke up and was more alert than he’d been all month. He was able to enjoy his visits and talk with his friends.
The nurses placed him on a morphine drip so he wouldn’t feel any pain or air hunger, and moved him to a comfort care floor. I was able to stay next to him for the next 38 hours until his death. He never showed any signs of distress, he just became sleepier and sleepier. I held his hand all night so he’d wake me if he got into trouble, but he never moved or squeezed.
I woke around 4:00 on the 19th, and he was still breathing lightly. When I woke again at 5:30, he wasn’t moving, and I called the nurse, who called a doctor to pronounce death.
He went peacefully and at perfect ease, all we could ask for. Thanks so much to everyone who’s offered such kind support, and to everyone at Baltimore Washington Medical Center, especially the ICU staff, who were all unfailingly professional, capable, and compassionate.
A memorial service is being planned. In a few weeks, I’ll put something together to post here, as well.
Buying a piano
27 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in music Tags: Keyboard, Music, Piano
My new piano teacher wants me to get something to play at home that’s more piano-like than the electronic keyboard I have, which has an organ-like action and practically no dynamic contrast. I usually practice in the morning or at night, while Glenn’s asleep, so I’m thinking of two options:
- An acoustic upright piano at the opposite end of the house with a practice pedal to dampen the sound.
- An electronic piano which plays as much like the genuine article as possible.
Both have their up- and downsides. A real piano with the damper pedal on may still make too much racket, and it defeats the purpose somewhat to be trying to develop touch and dynamics while intentionally muting the instrument. An electric piano will never completely match the real playing experience, but can be played through headphones when Glenn’s in bed (or watching TV).
I’m checking Craigslist (wow, are there a lot of pianos there) and getting some ideas of what I want to do. My teacher mentioned a Korg electric which is quite good, I’ve asked her for the model number so I can check it out.
Advice and suggestions welcome!
Necessity, mother of education
20 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in technology Tags: Frameworks, Programming, Rails, Ruby, Ruby on Rails
I had hoped to subcontract work on a big project this Spring, but after shopping a proposal around to several development firms, never found anyone capable who wanted to take on the work, and decided to do it myself. Since Rails seems to be what all the cool kids are using these days, it seems a good time to learn it and update my skills and knowledge along the way.
I bought the Ruby and RoR books recommended at http://programmingzen.com/rails-books/ (don’t tell my ex-boss I didn’t buy one of his! 
, and am well into the Ruby book now. Will try rewriting a few of my Perl scripts in Ruby, then when I have a feel for it, move into Rails. Hopefully, will end the year with Big Project done and a marketable skill on the resume.
