Mom and Dad
23 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in family Tags: Family, Home care, Hospice
I see it’s been five months since I posted anything to my site. When I last wrote, I talked about reacting to events instead of carrying out plans, and there’s been nothing but a steady stream of events needing responses since then. My parents continued going in and out of the hospital on a regular basis, and my mother became sicker and entered hospice care the second week of January. On Sunday, February 5th, she took a dramatic turn for the worse, and stopped eating altogether. Luckily, when we saw it didn’t look hopeful, we were able to make calls and get all six of her kids to see her. When Jim came Wednesday, he said “She’s waiting for John.” Sure enough, when John came Thursday night, she relaxed and went to sleep after being awake and agitated for over 24 hours, and died the next morning.
Dad often says that the people at Point Marion Personal Care Home would do anything for him and Mom, and they showed it that last week, not only caring for Mom, but looking after Dad and making sure he could be with her the whole time, and the extended McMurray and Covey families gathered round and supported him wonderfully during the week of the funeral. Thanks especially to my sisters Florence and Marie for again acting as the family ringleaders and making sure Dad had everything he needed and Mom had the service she wanted.
In the two months since then, we’ve been helping Dad start a life of his own for the first time in 63 years. He’s started taking better care of himself after a long period of devotion to Mom’s needs, and is in better physical shape than he’s seen in ages. He’s been getting out, meeting new people, and taking part in trips and activities, but still feels lost in a fog and unable to find the motivation to do anything much of the time. Mom’s hospice agency (part of his own home care service) continues to visit and counsel him, and a support group sponsored by Morgantown Hospice has given him a welcome chance to talk with other recently-bereaved people from the area. He’s entered the time when all the initial attention is gone, everyone’s had to get back to their own lives, and he has to start finding his own way. Many thanks from all of us to everyone who’s been such a help to him. Please keep him in mind and keep checking on him in the coming months and years.
Where I’ve been
26 Nov 2011 1 Comment
I’ve been virtually absent again the last couple of months. I’m trying to catch up now and to start finding time for what I had planned to do, after a period of reacting to events. I’ll use this post as a way to catch up my correspondence. I’m sorry if I’m late replying to anything you sent me.
After Glenn’s death last Summer, I started looking for places to live in Point Marion, Pennsylvania, where my parents are in assisted living. My sister has been looking after them almost single-handedly for the last couple of years, and I wanted to move closer to lend a hand. I was going to take my time settling my and Glenn’s affairs in Baltimore, and gradually make the move.
I looked at a number of places in September, none of which worked out. My plans had to be abandoned after October 8th, when my father suffered a heart attack and had a stent placed in one of his arteries. He was told that after his discharge, he would need to go to cardiac rehabilitation three times a week for three months, so I had to find housing right away so I could be there to drive him. I’d hoped to be within walking distance of my parents’ home, but had to take a year’s lease on an apartment in Morgantown, West Virginia, about five miles away.
I was able to get back to Baltimore for a retreat the last weekend of the month, then my sister called me Monday morning to say my mother was in the hospital this time. During the course of her stay, she developed congestive heart failure from IV fluids, and was in for 11 days. She came home on a Friday, and when I went to pick up Dad for rehab the following Monday, he said his chest hurt. He had another heart attack, and had two more stents placed. He’ll see his cardiologist this week, then hopefully will be cleared to start rehab again.
During the course of all this, we also had hospitalizations of my niece and my nephew, knee injuries to my sister and brother-in-law, three hospitalizations in my brother-in-law’s family, and one in my sister-in-law’s. I lost track of how many trips I made back-and-forth from Baltimore. In brighter-but-also-time-consuming news, I started working at freshmeat (now Freecode) part time again in September, and have had to keep a more regular work schedule than my freelance jobs require.
This is the first week I’ve started to catch my breath, and the first time I’ve brought enough furnishings back that the apartment feels like a home.
I may have to give up our house in Baltimore. I had hoped I’d be able to keep it for a year or two and move on when I felt ready, but all these crises have set a different pace. When I saw I’d have to leave quickly, at least for the Winter, I hoped to rent it furnished as it is so that I could come back to it someday and it would still remind me of Glenn, but everyone I’ve talked with says that people who rent houses in our area expect them to be completely empty so they can move their own things in. Using a housesitter like we did in 2010 wouldn’t help pay my West Virginia rent, and would just leave me worrying about what’s happening back there.
It’s looking as though, whatever I do, everything of Glenn’s will have to go, and I may just sell the house if all I’d have is an empty shell to come back to, with Glenn’s fingerprints scrubbed clean. If it won’t have any strong ties to Glenn, it’s starting to feel like one more thing to worry about. I can’t afford (in time, money, or worry) to maintain the apartment in West Virginia and the house in Maryland, so I need to be at the one and somehow settle the other. I’ve brought enough bits and pieces of home to West Virginia that it will hopefully feel comfortable and familiar, and I’m making arrangements with Glenn’s friends to walk through the house and pick things they’d like to have as mementos of him. At least I’ll feel better knowing that if the house had to be left so suddenly, his things weren’t just thrown away, but moved to where they’ll prompt smiles and memories for people who loved him.
The other house news is that, after a year and a half on the market, my parents’ home went to closing last Wednesday. We might have hoped for better timing so I didn’t have to tell them about it over Thanksgiving dinner, but can be glad it’s finally off our minds and being enjoyed by a family once again.
I hope I’ll have time now for some of the things I promised to do. In the meanwhile, I’ll spend the holiday giving thanks that the phone hasn’t rung and I haven’t seen any ambulances rolling down the Point Marion road. I hope all’s quiet and peaceful with you.
Uncle Ken's home movies
24 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in family
As my family did with our father’s last year, my cousin Patty has had my Uncle Ken’s 8mm home movies digitized. He got an even earlier start and took twice as much footage, almost two hours going back to 1958:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?p=363258CDC87905EA
There’s even a few seconds of a three-year-old ring bearer, who (I’m told) broke into tears when he had to walk up the aisle with everyone looking at him, and had to be escorted by the bride and her father. 
As before, please share any comments and ideas you have about what we’re looking at, who’s who, when they might have been taken, etc. I’ve put what we know about them so far in the description under each.
Many thanks to Patty for making these available. In addition to a lot of charming footage of Uncle Ken, Aunt Lena, and the kids, there are plenty more scenes of my generation at family gatherings, and it’s wonderful to have these memories available to us all.
last of the covey home movies
19 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in family
of the five canisters sent to the developing company, two turned out to be empty upon opening. the remaining three have been developed, and as much of the images rescued as they could manage. it’s not pretty, but if you know the players involved, you can make out enough to see what’s happening. wish we could hop back to the 70s and march dad over to the drug store with the film.
on the bright side, a lock box which i thought contained coins instead turned out to have miscellaneous papers and one more developed reel, from rose’s wedding. it starts out dark, but stick with it, and you’ll see some wonderful shots of the extended family out in the parking lot.
they’ve all been added to the end of the playlist:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=A52CB5B1A04864C8
that’s all for now! unless… patty, what did you say?
house for sale
16 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
in family
after a half century, my parents’ home is on the market.
thanks to all my brothers and sisters and their families for their work in getting it ready. we’re heartbroken to see it go, but as someone said, it’s been a good house to us, and it’s a pleasure to think of someone else’s kids running up and down the stairs and having the enjoyment of it like we did.
wish us luck, and pass the word along to anyone you know who may be interested.
