unix humor

50 ways to leave your editor

From: tbpic1@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au (Tim Pickett)
Subject: Re: Simon and Garfunkel (was Re: This is a test

umisef@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Bernd Meyer) writes:
>So let's go for "there must be 50 ways to leave your editor" :-)

All right, you've got a deal.  Memories of trying to quit an editor in
VMS that I didn't understand . . .  (A bad song this for parodying.  It
makes it sound like I can't make words scan, even though I'm referring
to the sheet music in front of me.)

The problem is all inside your ed(1), she sed(1) to me,
But the answer is emacs if you like C-x C-c,
I'm here to help you if you're struggling to use free(),
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.

She said, `I hope your print job doesn't get dequeued,
I hope that you've stocked up lots of vending machine food.
But I'll repeat myself - have you gone and colon-q'd?
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.
Fifty ways to leave your editor.'

Just press control-K, Ray,
Try double-Z, Fred,
You're still in insert, Bert,
So hit control-C.
Press meta-x, Lex,
Then type, `exit-quit-leave'
Or else just suspend, friend,
and kill(1) it with glee.

She said, `It grieves me now to stty(1) sane,
I wish there was somthing I could do to see your prompt again,'
I said, "I appreciate that,' and started to complain
About the fifty ways.

She said, `Why don't we both just sleep(1) on it tonight?
I'm sure in the morning you'll be sick of reading Byte.'
And then she warned me not to be a power-cycling neophyte,
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.
Fifty ways to leave your editor.

(Repeat chorus)

addicted to vi

Title    : Addicted To Vi
Original : Addicted To Love
Group    : Robert Palmer
Author   : Chuck Musciano <chuck@trantor.harris-atd.com>
Intro    : After thinking about that poor wretch who has become
           addicted to vi, I was inspired to compose the following
           ditty, sung to the tune of "Addicted To Love" by Robert
           Palmer. As you sing this, it may help the effect to imagine
           a dozen women, all of whom resemble Bill Joy, dressed in
           black and dancing sinuously.
Song     :


Addicted To Vi
(with apologies to Robert Palmer)

You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.

You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

You edit files one at a time;
That doesn't seem too out of line?
You don't think of keys to bind--
A meta key would blow your mind.
H, J, K, L?  You're not annoyed?
Expressions must be a Joy!
Just press "f", or is it "t"?
Maybe "n", or just "g"?

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
You press the keys without effect,
Your life is now a wreck.
What a waste!  Such a shame!
And all you have is vi to blame.

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!

Santa Claus Learns Unix

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | grep bad || good
for (goodness sake) {be good}

echo "Oh,"

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town