thank you for coming to visit dan’s memorial.
dan before we met
dan was raised in two small towns (they were then, anyway) near baltimore, maryland: catonsville and linthicum, along with his sister barbara and his brother james.
as he grew older, dan felt himself called to the roman catholic priesthood, and went to st. charles college (today charlestown retirement community) for high school, and then on to st. mary’s seminary for college. he was a member of the first class of the north american college of the gregorian university in rome to return there after world war II, and there completed his studies for the priesthood and received his license in sacred theology. he received an apostolic blessing from pope pius XII, and was ordained on december 8th, 1951. he returned to the archdiocese of baltimore and gave many years of service to the people of the city.
after about 12 years, dan realized there was no escaping the realization that he was gay. the church being what it was at the time, he felt it was hypocritical for him to remain a priest, as he would be expected to preach against the “evil” of homosexuality.
so dan left it all behind and headed off on a trip across the country to the land of new opportunities, california. he worked as a bartender for awhile, then found his way to the university of california, berkeley and the university of san francisco, where he completed degrees in education. the compassion for and love of others that had led him to the priesthood led him to work with the mentally retarded and mentally ill. he had completed the coursework and was writing the dissertation for his third masters degree, in human behavior, when he was called back to baltimore to settle the estate of his father (his mother had died some years earlier).
dan eventually ended up at his final occupation, executive director of the southwest baltimore community organization “communities organized to improve life” (“coil”). in coil, dan found the fulfillment of his lifelong desire to help others. he was made executive director as coil was just getting off the ground, and his previous experience at writing curricula gave him the inspiration to create coil’s programs. he created a seniors center, a housing program, and an adult literacy center which is the national model. when i met him, he was launching a new program. realizing that the children in the neighborhood were getting into the drug trade at the ages of 5 and 6, he created “the children’s hours”, a program to instill respect for self and others in children ages 2-4.
when dan’s sister and i went through the house, we found a copy of the following resume. i don’t know what year it’s from, but it gives you a good idea of what dan had done in his life in terms of education and occupations:
| dan’s resume | |
|---|---|
| QUALIFICATIONS | Thirty years experience in people-oriented services: counseling, teaching, and public and community relations. |
| PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE |
|
| EDUCATION |
|
| CERTIFICATION | General Teaching Credential, Secondary (Grade levels 7-14). |
| CURRENT COMMUNITY SERVICE |
|
dan after he met me
in the fall of 1993, i put a personal ad in the baltimore citypaper, and dan was one of several people who responded. he was the second person i met through the ad, and after i met him i threw the other phone numbers away. dan had just been abandoned by someone after a ten-year relationship, and was a little hesitant at first to commit himself. as time went on, however, we grew to love one another very deeply. dan was the best friend i’ve ever had, and we were completely devoted to one another. we had the most wonderful times together.
so far as i know, this is the only photograph of dan and me together:
after dan’s death
dan died of a heart attack on june 12th, 1996. i loved him, and miss him terribly.
i’ve also added to these pages:
jeffcovey.net 
When I heard your Dan’s voice from his answering machine I got choked.
My partner is very old and I’m going to gather tapes and videos of him.
Thank you Jeff.
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i’m glad you enjoyed the page, and that your partner has you there to enjoy his
old age with him. best wishes to you both.
sincerely,
jeff
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Hello Jeff, this is Ervin who has enjoyed your sites but had no idea of the pain you have suffered of losing a close friend…..Dan…..I recentley lefted my compaion of years……we meet 16 yrs., ago an hae been together for nearly ten years….the first year living with him was hell…..his brothers and exspecially his parents…..hiding me in the closet or outside of the yard……we have been there for one another thru thick an thin…..my mom passed in 1994 in May., and his grandparents passed away in 2002…..my sister recently passed away in september the 10th and my mom’s best friend passed this month on the 10th of october the 10th of 2006…..I had a huge argument with my lover older than me ofcourse and my sister just got out of the hospital in California from surgurey……pardon me but when Nate an I got into an argument over the phone call which was an hour an half…..things esculated to a level that ended our relationship……I said to him I wish I was dead and he said I wish yo were too…..the shock of how he really thought of me died that morning on 10/19/06 10:34 am…….he said he was sorry for what he said an tried to comfort me……I just could not believe his coment…..I lefted that morning an I said once I leave out that door I am never coming back……he said to go……I was doing some landscaping outside his parents house and door trimmings in side the house repairing there wood fence building a wider and longer stand for the fire place stove and extended sidewalk of the bacyard……I promised his dad I would finish painting the walls of their home and finish the painting the roof panels, completed the oil based the outside window trimmings a reweed stain and the porch…..all this an more I need to his father with……his brothers will not help their own father out……they how ever repeately mentioned to me to leave him…..the fist week I moved in with him in Tuba City AZ.,he went on travel to Shiprock AZ., as his job called for him to travel constanly……he came back with a mark a hichkie on his neck….I shocked to learn of this betrayel but I thought we could work this out…..for four years I put up with it being faithfull to him…..suddenly I wanted to see what his reaction would be if I do the same to him and I did…..the lost of my mother was hard and it seemed he would not grasp the pain I was feeling inside…..the worse got even worse…..I ended up in prison twice when I was with him and he stuck and waited for me all those years but since I was away he had every opprotunity to have his fun and he did…….life seemed to get worse after that….but I just could not leave him no matter how many times his brothers would tell me to leave……I had afairs also that is not a secret from him…..but it was alright for him to so this an not for me…..everything was about him……the years of arguments with his brothers an his parents was tough and rough but I stuck in there and to this day I have the approval of his parents and their blessing…..but the recent passing of my sister and my mom’s best friend was very hard…but the lost of one in liveing is harder for me than the lost of the one in death…..for me it is very hard…..I’m here in Indio CA and will be heading to Phoenix AZ on the 10/25/05 then to Flagstaff AZ on the 27th is hard on me…..I don’t want to go back to Tuba City AZ but I promised his father I would finish what I started….I miss him ao much and I know what your feeling in the lost of dan….I lefted my job in Flagstaff AZ and walked away from registrating from college which I was working on a Grant Loan…..I miss im so much….he has been e-mailing me since then but I do not return a response…..God THIS DOES SUCK !!!!…..I have said far to much….I have enjoyed your site but there is no room for me and the men on your site…..I was thinking of going to Palm Springs CA an have a loook around at the local gay bars……I know there is no one like Nate like your Dan is to you……I luv older mature men also but is there really one out there who can understand your wants an needs as much as you want theirs ??????….
Sincerly,
BUZZ
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I just wanted to say that I did read the things about your Dan.
You truly did love him Jeff and it shows. I chose to read these because
it is the first time I saw anything wriltten by a gay person about how
one feels about losing a gay partner that he loved so very much. It
brought back my own memories and many,many tears to my eyes.
I was more fortunate than you in that I shared a wonderful relationship
and partnership with a man that I loved so very much. We had a forty
year partnership that were the most wonderful years of my life. He was
sick for the last twenty six years of his life but I was there to take
care of him and I tell you truthfully that I did not mind at all , I was
just happy that I could be there for him right to the very end.He died
seven years ago and I still miss him very much.I may someday find
another to love but I will never forget Wayne and I will always cherish
the wondeful memories that we shared together.
I think Jeff that I found your web page on Silver Daddies . I read your
profile and wanted to know more about you. I am glad that I checked it
out.
You will always love Dan Jeff, and I do believe you will be with him
again . So my condoleces to you Jeff. You see that your writings
brought back many wonderful memories for this “old man ” too. Thank you
from the bottom of my heart.
Sincerely,
Marvin Marr
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thanks for the kind words! i’m glad you were able to be there for wayne and hope that you’ll find another love to share your life with.
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